Boundaries, Blame and Healing

image shot at Aro Ha

So boundaries... buzz buzz buzz. Everyone is talking about it…

AND here is the thing. It’s not anyone else’s job to uphold yours. Boundaries don’t mean walking around making everyone aware of your wounds. Or telling everyone about your triggers. You may need an apology or an acknowledgment, but you sure as hell don’t need others doing you’re healing. Why? Because then they OWN part of your healing. 

Healing comes from a word that means to become whole. If someone else becomes responsible for putting our pieces together, we will become dependent on them doing the work for us. They will own a piece of our wholeness. In order to be and feel less fragmented as we move through life, we must be willing to take responsibility for our part (if that applies) and giving OURSELVES what we need. Sometimes that looks like asking for what we need and creating consequences around those requests. Sometimes it looks like asking for support from others. Sometimes that looks like asking for an apology. Sometimes it looks like giving an apology.

When we blame others for our feelings we allow others to have ownership of our feelings. We allow someone’s actions to determine how we feel about ourselves. While many times we must come to terms with a horrible thing that has happened TO us, blame doesn’t give us our power back. 

Other people are necessary in our healing because they let us know where we require more understanding within ourselves. Others teach us how deep our wounds really are and a lot of times they lead us to their exact location - AND - you and only YOU can tend our wounds. Only you can reclaim your wholeness.

Image from Lisa Olivera Therapy.